撒旦 Satan,
魔鬼 the Devil,
恶魔 Lucifer,
暗黑王子（魔鬼的别称） Prince of Darkness,
阎罗王 Yanluowang,
彼勒（魔鬼的别称） Belial,
亚巴顿（地狱的魔王） Abaddon,
别西卜（魔鬼的别称） Beelzebub,
暗黑王子（魔鬼的别称） Prince of Darkness.
别西卜（魔鬼的别称） Beelzebub,
彼勒（魔鬼的别称） Belial,
亚巴顿（地狱的魔王） Abaddon,
撒旦 Satan,
魔鬼 the Devil,
路西法 Lucifer,
别西卜（魔鬼的别称） Beelzebub,
彼勒（魔鬼的别称） Belial,
暗黑王子（魔鬼的别称） Prince of Darkness.
早 Good morning.
Neil!
Eh?
什么问题？太前卫？ What? Too daring?
要是其他人，我早凑他了 Not if you're daring people to kick your ass.
这叫“炫”啊，小哥 It's called pea-cocking, bro.
女生对颜色鲜艳的特别感冒 Alright, females are attracted to bright colours.
效果如何.... How's it--
目前效果如何？ How's it working so far?
你懂的，效果显著 You know, it's working well.
男人就该展示自身优势！ You've got to play to your strengths.
气派与魅力，你懂的！ Style and charm,you know what I mean.
你该大胆露两手 You should play to yours,
你的“内内里藏牌技”！ you should bust out those panty dropping card tricks
没在别人前做过呢 that you never show anyone.
女生不喜欢牌技 Girls don't like card tricks.
开啥玩笑？ Are you kidding?
她们当然喜欢 Of course they do.
她们不喜 No, they don't.
她们喜欢 Yeah, they do.
小哥，杂志《男人健康》说 Dude. According to Men's Health
女性有18%机会跟会玩牌技 females are 18 percent more likely to sleep with a guy
的男人上床 after seeing a card trick.
你造吗？ Really?
真的 Yeah,
2010年5月，学习啦 May 2010. Look it up.
嗨，美女 Hey gorgeous.
美女，赏面看个牌技吗？ Gorgeous, would you like to see a card trick?
可以啊 Sure.
选一张，别让我看到 Alright, pick one and don't show me.
现在撕掉 Now tear it up.
交回给我 Can I have that back.
给他 Give it to him.
是这张吗？ Is this your card?
不是，差太远 No, not even close.
看一下你的胸罩 Check your bra.
说什么？ What?
看一下你胸罩 Check your bra.
太神奇，你怎么做到的？ That's amazing, how did you do that?
行规不能说 I can't tell you.
她回来了 She's coming back...
顶爆，真的有效 Oh my god, it's working!
下周我家有个派对 Listen, I'm having a party at my house next weekend.
你该来走走 You should come.
太意外了 That sounds amazing,
但那天要上教堂，所以... but I've got this church thing so...
上教堂 Church thing.
上教堂 Church thing...
不是的，不是的... No, no, no, no, no.
Neil只是发功后出现的副作用 Neil just gets exhausted after a show,
他休息一下就回复正常了 you've got to give him a break.
你发什么神经？ What?
什么回事，小哥，上教堂？ What the hell was that, man,church?
你本有机会搞上她的，你懂的， You're supposed to try to get in her pants, you know,
不是改造她的信仰 not convert her.
我清楚，故意搞砸的 I know, I blew it.
至少有机会摸她咪咪 You at least touched her boob.
我没机会 I didn't.
你怎么“突变”了？ Well, then how did you?
“魔”法发功了 It was magic.
你现在意淫摸她咪咪吗？ Are you magically touching a boob right now?
Denise，他对Cheryl刚打过主意来 Hey Denise, he just totally felt up Cheryl.
我知道了 Yeah, I know.
她是Kent的“对象” And so does Kent.
他正赶赴现场，你最好保命 He's on a rampage, you'd better hide your ass.
死了，死了，快跑 Oh shit, oh shit, hurry up.
这里 Over here.
该死 Oh fuck.
死了 Oh shit.
那个“小次货”呢？ Where is that little shit?
呃，呃... Uh, the, uh...
Neil!
Neil，是Neil吗，你都认识的 Neil, yeah Neil is you know Neil.
他够胆在我女友胸罩放牌 He put a card in my girlfriends bra,
我势要将他撕成碎片 I'm going to tear him in half ike a phone book.
开门，否者要你尝尝 Open the door or I'll put you through it.
别，别开 No, no, don't.
他吉人自有天相的！ Uh, alright man just alright.
Matt, 没义气 Matt, fuck.
你在里面搞什么飞机？ What the fuck are you doing in there?
你在打飞机？ You jacking it?
同志们，Neil在储物室打手枪 Hey everyone, Neil's jerking off in the closet,
多变态恶心的小子 what a fucking gross little perv.
恶心！ Eew!
别搞他，混蛋 Leave him alone, asshole.
滚蛋 Go.
让他办完 Lets let him finish.
周末不是用来睡懒觉吗？ I don't know, wouldn't you rather be sleeping in on the weekends?
这每周的一小时，能让父母开心 It's only an hour a week and it makes our parents happy.
他妈的讨厌上教堂，假死了 I fucking hate church, so lame.
赶快，穿上教服 Come on, put your robe on.
等一等 Wait, wait.
撒旦王在上 In Nomina Satanas.
撒旦王万岁！ Hail Satan!
撒旦王万岁！ Hail Satan.
撒旦王万岁！谢主隆恩 Hail Satan, and thank you Satan.
兄弟姐妹们 Brothers and sisters,
阿司塔罗斯王庆典临近 as the celebration of Astaroth approaches
该内省我们崇拜撒旦王的缘由了 it is time to ask ourselves why do we worship Satan?
是因为他允诺赋予信徒的法力吗？ Is it for the power he has promised us?
是庆祝末日善恶之争即将来临的胜利吗？ Is it to be on the winning side at the final battle of Armageddon?
崇拜撒旦王让我们自由 The worship of Satan allows us to eat freely
吸收知识与善恶之树， from the tree of knowledge,of good and evil.
给我们在地球，天堂和地狱间 It gives us the freedom to indulge our senses
纵欲的自由 in the pleasures of Earth,Heaven and Hell.
耶稣基督 Jesus Christ.
亵渎神明啊！ Blasphemy!
大家可以别分心吗？ If we could have everybody's undivided attention?
感谢 Thank you.
掉链子了 Where was I.
说到“真理选边站” Side of truth.
对，兄弟姐妹们 Oh yes, brothers and sisters
崇拜撒旦王这玩意 the worship of Satan is all of these things.
其核心无非围绕 “真理选边站” But most of all it is to be on the side of the truth.
为了上帝，让不洁流出你的双眼是欺世盗名，撒旦才是救世主 Let the scales fall from your eyes for God is the deceiver and Satan is the salvation.
很快我们就会进行阿司塔罗斯王庆典 Soon we will perform the celebration of Astaroth,
Neil小弟会完全奉献自己来挫败 our young brother Neil will give himself over completely
天堂强加给撒旦大王的罪名 to our Lord to foil the accursed forces of Heaven.
撒旦王万岁！ Hail Satan!
呈上祭品 Bring forth the offering.
啊，是只山羊呢 Aw, look at the goat.
主，小小心意，不成敬意 Lord, please accept this humble sacrifice.
我真想代它去死 I would totally trade places with that goat right now.
作为信仰的标志 As a token of our faith.
做看官就好 Just keep watching.
撒旦王在上！ In Nomina Satanas!
记住，周三本会有饼卖 And remember, this Wednesday we're having a bake sale
善款全数作为保龄球队和 to raise money for our bowling team and also the star
阿司塔罗斯节庆典的香油钱 of our upcoming celebration of Astaroth ceremony,
Neil因此很努力准备 Neil, is working so hard to prepare.
我们以示支持一下 Lets show him our support.
没错 Oh yeah.
刚才仪式说话这事 Hey, so this talking during church thing.
很过瘾，对吗？ Pretty fun, is it?
娘，爹，听我解释 Mom, Dad, listen.
不必了 No, no, no, no, no.
你那不严肃和哄笑 I can actually see how joking and laughing
正正让我家出丑 and embarrassing your family you know instead of
而没考虑到要专心听布道 paying attention to the sermon could be a little entertaining.
是Matt闹起的 Matt totally started it.
老是说Matt的错，是吗？ Okay, it's always Matt's fault huh?
真相就如此 Yes, actually it is.
你余生就没想过要 Are you going to go through the rest of your life
对自己行为负起责任吗？ never taking responsibility for your actions?
是吗？ Huh?
我有想过 Yeah.
说真的嘛 Oh really.
Sheldon老大，我们正就布道被打断的事 Sheldon, hi, we were just talking about how sorry we are
深表歉意 for that interruption during the sermon.
希望如此啦 I should certainly hope so.
你知道下次故事版本就不一样了 You understand that next time it's quite a different story?
我懂的 Yes sir.
准备得怎么样？ How are the preparations going?
他已准备好 Oh, he's ready.
为何不说说咱教会各大王的名呢 In fact, why don't you recite for them the names of our Lord.
对，说说 Yes, do tell.
说出来 Tell us.
路西法，阿发米特，别贼卜 Lucifer, Affamet, Beezelbub.
是“别西卜”才对 That's Beelzebub.
别西卜，彼勒，阿巴顿 Beelzebub, Belial, Abbadon.
有超过40个尊称呢 There are over 40 of them you know.
年轻人，下点功夫背背 You should take time to learn them.
庆典为你准备很精彩的东西 There are such fabulous things in store for you.
我可以走了吗？ Can I go?
全体教友热切期盼仪式的到来 We're all very excited for the ceremony.
同感 So am I.
会乐也融融的 Should be fun.
你没让他破处吧？ So, you've kept him chaste?
都是自然守身如玉的结果 Oh, that problem kind of took care of itself.
我还没惹上过麻烦 You know, I never got into trouble
直到你家入了这教会 until your family joined this church.
你也没好玩过 Yeah, and you never had any fun either.
是吗？是吗？ Did you? Did you?
别搞我 Get off me.
我还没搞清楚 You know, I still just don't understand
这誓约的玩意 this whole oath business.
譬如，他们想快活就快活 Like, they made you lock up your dick
而却要你不破处 while they're all getting it on.
说不过去呢，太他妈不公平 That doesn't make any sense, it's not fucking fair.
他们偷走你青春最可贵的 They're stealing the greatest part of your youth,
“春色满园关不住” the hot steamy sexual part.
为何你会同意呢？ Why would you agree with something like that?
我不可以上床，因为不被允许 I'm not getting laid because I'm not allowed to,
你想怎为我辩护？ what's your excuse?
我懂的 Oh, I see, I see.
你内心的恐惧，对吗？ So, you're scared huh?
我不恐惧 I'm not scared.
不是吗？ No, no?
你有特殊洁癖？ You've got a little case of the vagaphobia.
我没特殊洁癖 I don't have vagaphobia.
严肃说，你得 Seriously though, you've just got to,
你得自己探索出这东西 you've got to figure this shit out man.
以免为时已晚 Before it's too late.
嘿，老爸 Hey Dad.
因为我们该 Because really Neil,what we should be doing
用“小弟”比试一番来看 is tripping over each others dicks to see
谁能泡到最多妹，悟到了吗？ who can bag the most babes,you know?
尽管去“干” Fuck something.
任何人 Anything.
那家伙有心病 That kids got problems.
对，有病的是你 Yeah, and that problem is you.
再见，Neil Bye Neil!
想确定一下你们俩 We just wanted to make sure that both of you
是否准备好着这一切的到来 were spiritually prepared for what's going to happen.
当然，托撒旦鸿福 Of course, it's a great honour.
仪式很快完，对吗？ It will all be over very quickly, right?
尽我所能吧 Oh, just as quick as I can make it my dear.
我能对你保证 I can assure you that -
会让短剑又快又顺地刺入肉身 That the dagger plunges into the flesh swiftly, smoothly.
听起来会很痛苦 It sounds so painful.
不会太痛 No, no, no.
他会有点痒痛，但不会太久 He'll feel a little pinch but for no more than an instant.
这样说，无痛 So, no pain.
不是，会痛的 No, there will be pain.
痛不欲生 Extreme pain.
血流成河 And blood, lots and lots of it.
很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
正如之前说过，这过程不仅无痛，还很畅快 As I was saying this whole process is not only painless but euphoric.
我有个疯狂想法 I have a crazy idea.
为何不能直接告诉他所有事呢 Why don't we just sit him down and explain everything to him,
这样他心里有个准备 that way he'll be prepared.
你要跟他怎么说呢 What are you going to tell him, okay,
跟他说他好友会为他收尸？ that his best friend is going to have to mop him up after the ceremony?
别说，Shelly No. Shelly, come on.
他会接受的 He'll accept it.
他深爱撒旦王的 He loves Satan.
Sheldon老大，请见谅 Sheldon, I'm so sorry.
不必，拜托 No, no, please please.
不要让小家伙迷惑不解 There's no reason to confuse the little fellow.
来不及多想了 We don't have time for second thoughts.
如果不在他十八前黄昏，十八黎明前 If we don't perform the ritual on the equinox of his 18th year
耶稣基督会回归，破坏千年来的地球安宁 Jesus Christ will return and usher in a thousand years of peace on Earth.
你愿看到吗？ Is that what you want?
不 No.
哥也不愿 I didn't think so.
所以，建议你抛开疑虑 So, my advice to you is to put your misgivings aside
一切往好的方面想 and focus on the positive.
吃蛋糕啊 Eat some cake.
对，好好享受今晚的庆典 Yeah, you should be enjoying your big night.
上面加冰淇淋吗？ Want some ice cream on that?
当最后晚餐一样大吃一顿 You should be eating like there's no tomorrow.
是个小丑呢，爸 It's a clown, dad.
十八岁生日啊 I'm 18.
你有什么心事？ Why don't you tell us what's wrong?
为女而烦吗？ Is it a girl?
不是 No.
实情是，有点 Actually, yeah kind of.
Oh.
有发生过什么吗？ Did something happen?
细节方面，就不想劳烦你们了 I'm not going to bore you with the details.
你看着我 You're going to look me in the eye
老实跟我说 and you're going to answer me truthfully,
有任何身体接触不？ was there any physical contact?
没有 No.
就是说没性交？ So, there was no intercourse?
性...没 Inter-- No.
口交呢？ And no oral?
卿卿我我呢？ Giving or receiving?
没有 No.
肛交呢？ What about anal?
顶爆，妈 Jesus, mom!
答你妈，有没肛交？ Answer your mother, was there anal?
没有 No.
我保证，发生过的事 Okay, look, something happened that will ensure
都没上床这档事 I will never get laid in my whole life.
儿子，你可以跟我诉任何心事 Son, look, you know you can talk to me about anything.
我没违反那蠢爆的誓约 I didn't break my stupid oath, alright.
那就好 Okay then.
那誓约不蠢呢，心肝宝贝 The oath isn't stupid honey,
这是你降生的主要原因 it's the whole reason you were born.
我们在你年龄，搞大了，我们 We were your age when I conceived and we just,
当时不知所措，但Sheldon跟我们说 we didn't know what to do but Sheldon told us
你的降生有特殊目的 that you had a special purpose.
我相信你正遭受 Look, I'm sure you're going through
一些让你困惑的怀春问题 some pretty depressing teenage stuff right now.
我也这样过，做过，甚至也剪过白痴发型 Been there, done that, even I had a stupid haircut once
谁不是？ didn't I?
但你代表咱家和教会 But you are representing our family and our church,
当仪式结束后，你会全明白 when it is all over you will have a fuller understanding
这一切的意义 of what it is all about.
我去放水 I've got to take a leak.
Gary，我们需要跟他说 Gary, we need to tell him.
你知道他不喜欢惊喜的Σ( ° △ °|||)︴ You know how he hates surprises,
要是我们跟他解释 if we just explain it to him.
死也不可！ Absolutely not!
他会坏场，哭场，闹场，叫场的！ He'll cause a scene, crying and kicking and screaming.
你想别人笑话吗？ Do you want other people to see that?
你都听到了 Look, you heard , okay,
他已饱受够多的屈辱了，信我 he has suffered enough humiliation, trust me.
我们没权选择Neil的命运 We did not choose Neil's destiny.
他自己选择的 He did.
中国好胖子 制作
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial,
暗黑王子 Prince of Darkness,
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
亚巴顿,别西卜 Abbadon, Beelzebub...
让你们知道不仅是Neil I want you to know that it won't just be Neil
从他牺牲里获得恩赐 who will be rewarded for his sacrifice.
为新纪元碰杯 To a new era.
感谢 Thank you.
快日落了，甜心 It's almost sundown, dear.
失陪一下？ Oh, would you kindly excuse us?
请便 Of course.
晚上好 Good evening.
Lucifer, Baphomet, Belial,
Abbadon, Beelzebub, Belial.
我因你自豪 I am so proud of you.
谢妈 Thanks.
你一向都很听话的 You've been such a good son.
兄弟在此 There he is buddy, huh?
风云人物 Man of the hour.
听说你跨入成年世界一刻 Listen, I heard that after the confirmation
这厅的女人任你选的哦 you get to bone any woman you want from within the congregation.
换作我，我会选Colette， If it were me I'd go for Colette
让她男友干瞪眼 and make her boyfriend fucking watch.
别给我抹黑 Don't embarrass me.
我有过吗？ Do I ever?
好了，各位信众，开场了 Okay everybody, time to get started.
鸡冻吗？ Are you excited?
兄弟姐妹们 Brothers and sisters,
咱们为了一古代仪式，齐聚一堂 we are gathered together for an ancient ceremony.
庄严又美好 Momentous and beautiful.
大会开始前，请关上你们的移动电话 Before we begin please turn off your cell phones
及相关电子设备 and all other electronic devices.
十八年前，咱们大王选了这小子 Eighteen years ago our Lord chose this young man
加入我们阵线对抗“大骗子”（耶稣） to join him in battle against the Great Deceiver.
他的圣灵今晚会跟大王汇合 His spirit will join with the Father on this night.
现在我们请求Neil小子的 We now ask young Neil
俗世躯壳躺上我们的祭坛 to lay his earthly vessel upon our altar.
作为我们大王的仆人 Handmaidens of our Lord.
老兄 Dude.
估计他们会当着 I think they're going to fuck you
众人的面干你 right here in front of everyone.
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas.
现在是时候释放他的圣灵 Now the time approaches to release his spirit
到我们大王的身边 into the arms of our father
从此以后，他的圣灵会永世伴随大王 whereupon his soul will join our King for all eternity.
被宰的“羔羊”会跟路西法下地狱相随 The sacrificial lamb will stand with Lucifer in Hades.
哇，哇，被宰的羔羊？ Whoa, whoa, sacrificial lamb?
比喻而已 It's a metaphor.
一旦撕开处男的肉身 As we tear the virgins flesh asunder
鲜血一涌而出，以作祭忌圣体 so that the blood may spill forth in holy offering.
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas,
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas...
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas,
老兄 Dude.
撒旦大王 Satanas Rex.
老兄 Dude!
哇哇哇，搞什么？ Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the?
撒旦王在... In Nomina...
搞飞机！ What the fuck!
撒旦王！ Satanas!
Neil! Neil!
嗨！ Hey!
Neil!
抓住他！ After him!
Neil!
回来 Get back here!
快跑 Go, go, go!
快跑 Move, move, move!
勒个去 Okay, holy shit.
快跑 Come on.
草 Oh fuck!!!!!!!
过来，快 Come here, quickly!
给力 Come on.
他们在吗？ Are they there?
我另外一只鞋呢 Where's my other shoe?
太抱歉了，Sheldon I am so sorry, Sheldon.
不知道说什么好 I mean, what can I say?
你啥不必说 You can say nothing!
接一下 Get that.
Hello?
日出前要搞定，否者时机就过了 We have until sunrise or the window will close.
要是失败了，撒旦的愤怒会降临我们头上 If we fail his wrath will fall on us all!
不，这不会发生 No, that won't happen.
我逮他回来，马上上祭坛 I'll go get him he'll be back on that altar in no time.
不，你留在这 No! You stay right here.
带上这两个，抓他回来 Take these two with you and fetch them back.
耍软的，让他乖乖回来 We need a soft touch to lure them back.
你懂我说啥，是吗，Colette? You know what I'm talking about,don't you Colette?
嗯 I think so.
聪明女，去 Good girl, now go.
记住，给平时一样低调行事 And remember, as always to keep a low profile.
你们，要是他们回不来 And you, if they don't return
考虑开除你会籍 consider yourself excommunicated
你永远看不到“地狱之门” and you will never see the gates of Hell!
Matt! Matt!
你搞什么，Matt What the fuck are you doing, Matt!
搞飞机啊 What the fuck, man?
你不能拿 You can't take that,
那是我家暑假墨西哥旅行费 that's my families Mexico money for the summer.
我深感抱歉 Oh, I'm sorry
你去墨国Acapulco玩爽点 why don't you enjoy your lovely time in Acapulco
还有记得他们要你命前寄明信片给我 and don't forget to send me a postcard before they murder you.
老兄，我爸也是个混蛋 Dude, look my Dad's an asshole too, okay.
同感 I know.
蠢爆 Oh fuck me.
打给警察就好 I'm calling the cops.
什么？ What?
别这么做 No, no, no, don't do that.
别 Don't do that.
死开 Fuck off.
别 Don't do that.
我爸是警员，半数警员入我们教会 Alright, my Dad's a cop and half the force goes to our church.
报警 Police, please.
不，给我 No, give me.
Hello?
警察局 This is the police.
嗨，我是Matt，Paul的儿子 Hey. It's Matt, Paul's kid.
我爸变成禽兽了 My Dad's gone rogue.
Matt，你在哪？ Matt, where are you?
我在朋友Neil的家 I'm at my friend Neil's house.
Neil跟你一起吗？ Is Neil with you?
在那别乱跑，我派人过去 Stay where you are, we'll send somebody right now.
你派谁过来 Who are you sending?
Matt，在那别乱跑 st stay where you are Matt.
草 Oh shit, fuck!
我们得跑 We've got to go!
逊爆，现在本可以在Cheryl家参加派对 This sucks, alright, we could be at Cheryl's party right now
好好享受阴道自助餐或吗啡 totally enjoying the all you can eat vagina buffet or muffet if you will.
等一下 Wait.
这一切都是因为你是处男， This all happened because you're a virgin right,
这样的话，破处了，问题就解决了 so we get you laid problem solved.
我懂了 Oh, I've got it.
你打给谁 Who are you calling?
别打电话 Stop, stop, stop calling people.
为何？ Okay, what?
找Denise！ Denise!
老友爱爱，太绝了 A friend fuck, oh that's brilliant.
快。之前一直给她“骑着” Come on, I mean we give her rides all the time I mean.
Neil!
小Matt？ Matty?
你们在吗？ You guys here?
出来！ Come on out!
你想太多了 You're overthinking this, man.
她是我朋友，好不好 She's my friend, alright,
我不想让她觉得被利用了 I just don't want her to feel like she's being used.
她没被利用，她在救你狗命 She's not being used,she's saving your life.
她是在救我命 I know, she's saving my life.
千真万确 Exactly.
这就是我跟他坦白的原因 That's why I'm just going to tell her the truth, alright.
Denise人太好，她会理解的 Denise is super cool,man, she'll totally get it.
不，你出发点很好，但女人不太肯 No, that's sweet okay but women don't really respond well
面对真相，他们喜欢神秘 to the truth okay, it's like they like mystery.
像你的魔术 It's like your magic.
要是你揭穿魔术 If you told them how you did the magic
你就失去魔力 you lose the magic, right?
问我鸡巴多长 Ask me how big my dick is.
什么 What?
为何要我问这个 Why would I ask you that?
除非我都看过 Besides, I've seen it.
脚趾这么长 It looks like a toe.
给点耐心，问就好 Just bear with me okay, just ask.
你鸡巴多长 How big is your dick.
原则上，我不喜欢张扬 Well, I don't really like to talk about it but, you know,
24cm it's 9 and a half inches.
现在轮到我问，你鸡巴多长 Okay, see, now I'll ask you, how big is your dick?
我不知道，还没量过 I don't know, I've never measured it.
平均长度？ Average?
不对，25cm Wrong! Ten inches.
为何要撒谎 Why would I lie?
要是撒谎了，会被拆穿的 If the lie works I'm going to get caught.
有何关系，世事就这样 It doesn't matter that's the thing.
当她发现只有13cm Okay, by the time she finds out that it's only five inches
都已经进去5cm it's two inches deep.
Matt，你呆在这 Oh, okay, okay Matt you're going to stay outside, okay.
我不会当旁证的 I'm not doing this for an audience.
很好 Fine.
好的 That's fine.
我会洗手的 I wash my hands of this,
我在这打电话好了 I just I'll just be out here making phone calls.
没去Cheryl那里？ No Cheryl's, huh?
对她没那个 Wasn't-- Wasn't feeling it,
可以进来吗 um, can I come in?
当然，怎么不可 Yeah, sure, why not.
你父母在家吗 Are your parents home?
没 No.
在这关卡住两天了 I've been stuck on this level for like two days.
第三天还这样，就铁定心肠上网找外挂 I swear, one more day of this and I am pillaging the internet for cheat codes.
老兄，能坐下吗，好烦人呢 Dude, can you sit down,this is pretty annoying.
好的，我要聊一下 Okay, okay, I really need to talk.
我真需要跟你谈些东西 I really need to talk to you about something.
比较大的事 It's kind of a big deal.
好的，说啊 Okay, talk.
嗯 Yeah.
只有Denise可以这么忙！ Only Denise can be this busy!
搞啥 Okay.
嗨，Amy Hey, Amy.
是Matt，听我说 It's Matt, listen.
今晚有些疯狂事发生 There's some crazy shit going down tonight
世界末日之类的狗屎 like end of the world type stuff
Cheryl的派对可能是你 so Cheryl's party might be your last chance
跟我最后道别？ to get with me, alright?
回头见 Holler back.
你知道我多尊重你的 You know how much I respect you.
嗯 Yeah.
很尊重，嗯 So much, yeah, okay.
我觉得你很棒 Um, I think you're awesome.
我觉得你有点呆 I think you're kind of a dork.
我即将要说的 Uh, what I am about to ask
未曾跟其他人说过 I can never ask anybody else.
好的，喜剧大师 Okay, drama queen.
只想你对我说，可以为我做件事 I just need you to say that you will do this one thing for me
我承诺以后不会再向你这样要求 and I promise I will never ask you for anything ever again
只要我活着，可能活不长 as long as I live, which might not be for long.
说来听听 Lets hear it.
我要你今晚跟我做爱 I need you to have sex with me tonight.
如果你不肯，我会死 If you don't I'm going to die.
我只要放它进去 I just, I just need to put it in
不必有任何花招 it doesn't have to be anything special.
我不知道会“干”成什么样子 I don't know what the fuck I'm going to be doing
我甚至连规则都不清楚，我不清楚... but I don't even know the rules I don't know I just -
搞什么飞机，Neil？ What the fuck, Neil?
今晚有些疯狂事发生 There's some crazy shit going down tonight
世界末日之类的狗屎，所以Cheryl派对 like end of the world type stuff so Cheryl's party might be
可能是我的最后道别？ your last chance to get with me so.
回头见 Holler back.
正常来说，我不会想到跟你做任何事 Normally I would never think of doing anything
更别说是做爱 remotely sexual with you
但我真他妈太性急了 but I am really fucking desperate.
我只要你让我干 I just need you to just let me just fuck
没别的意思 like just no meaning to it,
干一下就好，成事就好 just the tip,anything will work.
继续说，情圣，我底裤都湿了 Oh, keep going lover boy really my panties are dripping,
说真的 I swear.
他们来了 They're here!
草 Holy fuck!
噢 Oh.
Denise.
好的，我们做吧 Okay, lets do it.
真的，你这些突然脏话很吸引 Really, the sheer balls of it is impressive.
我不是实际跟你干 I'm not fucking with you okay,
你知道我家入了什么教吧 you know the church my family belongs to?
有点邪那种 It's kind of different.
他们想杀了我 Well, they just tried to sacrifice me
因为我是处男 because I'm a virgin.
什么 What?
我之前没做爱过 I've never had sex before.
我清楚处男长啥样 Yeah, I know what a fucking virgin is
但你在说什么？ but what the fuck are you talking about?
除非今晚我失身 Unless I lose my virginity tonight
否则他们会宰了我 they're going to sacrifice my ass!
献给撒旦 To Satan!
他们在这了 They're here! Come on!
顶爆 Oh my god!
Denise，不是跟你开玩笑 Denise, it's not fucking funny!
Oh.
我要你知道是否可以 Listen, I need to know if this is going to happen
否者我要逃命了 or I've really got to run.
Neil，我不清楚你搞哪一出 Neil, I don't know what the fuck you're on
但你现在真混蛋呢 but you're being a real asshole right now.
我去开门了 I'm going to get the door.
天啊，听我说 Oh my god, listen to me.
死了 Oh fuck.
何事 Yeah?
这很烦人 Hey, oh my god this is so annoying
但你有见过Neil吗 but you wouldn't happen to have seen Neil?
没 No.
我们刚才在商场玩过来 Well, we were all just hanging out at the mall you know,
听着CD，然后他就跑了 listening to CD's and he just ran off.
我们猜他可能发神经 We think he might be losing his mind
我们很担心呢 we were just really worried so.
一直在胡说八道 Well, he was babbling nonsense.
这样说，你见过他？ So, you saw him?
对 Yeah.
可以跟我们说他跑哪吗 Do you want to maybe tell us where he went?
抱歉，你们是谁 Sorry, who are you guys?
我是Brad，要是你帮上忙 Oh hi, I'm Brad and it would be really helpful
就帮大忙了 if you could help us find him.
好的，进来 Alright, uh yeah, come in.
他们怎知道在这的 How'd they know we were here?
不清楚 I don't know.
草起了 Fucked!
草 Oh shit, shit, shit.
这裤太紧身 These pants are too tight.
好的 Okay.
噢，我的蛋蛋 Ow, my nuts!
给力点，我帮你 Come on, come on. I've got you.
快跑 Lets go.
跑 Go.
沿着这条街走 So, it's just down this street here
是单行道，所以你要经过橡树过去 oh but it's a one way so you should just go around via Oak
而Cheryl的家应该在那 and Cheryl's house should just be right there.
你太帮忙了，谢谢 You've been incredibly helpful, thank you.
还有你们怎么认识Neil的 Yeah, how do you guys know Neal again?
教会认识的 From church.
什么教会 What church is that?
你没听过的 You've never heard of it.
我们崇拜撒旦 We worship Satan.
草 Fuck.
老兄，你什么也没损失 Dude, you have nothing to lose.
不，蒙羞比死更难堪 No, humiliation is worse than death.
你不会见过有家伙 You've never walked into a room where everybody
在房间里打飞机 has seen you wearing jizz.
我见过 Ah, yes. I have.
我做不到，我选择死亡 I can't do it, I choose death.
不可以 No, no, no, no, no.
等一下 Wait, wait, wait okay.
你父母今晚几乎杀了你 Your parents almost killing you tonight
可能对你说是幸事 that's the best thing that could have happened to you.
他们在你背后点一把火 They lit a fire under your ass to go out there grab
口里说着甜言蜜语，实则蛇蝎心肠 life by the ears and make sweet sweet love to his mouth.
你是自私鬼，知道吗 Fuck, you're a selfish prick you know that?
我怎么自私 How am I selfish?
因为这是你最后机会，Neil Because this is your last chance, Neil.
要是你不进去破了你处男膜 If you don't go in there and bust your hymen
那么你就是个死人 then you're a dead man.
这一切都入了我脑 And then that's on my head
我不能这样苟且余生，狠狠大干一场吧 and I can't live with that shit so fuck you.
我不想成为你人生的遗憾事 I wouldn't want me dying to be a source of guilt for you
或任何阴影 or anything.
这才是嘛 Yes!
看，没你想象的差 Aw, see, it's not so bad huh?
草，这边我给你来点啤酒 Uh, shit, uh lets get you a beer this way.
美女们，认识Neal吗？ Ladies, you guys know Neal right?
Hi Neal.
Hey.
可以跟你玩一个吗 Oh, can I play one with you?
醉了，醉了，啤酒灌倒了 Here we go, here we go, beer pong baby.
Neal,等一下 Neal, wait, Neal. Neal!
大家看，那个自摸男 Hey, look everybody it's the man himself!
我们一起来Neal Lets all do the fucking Neal!
老兄，嗨 Dude, hey.
天啊，我所见过的其他人 Oh my god, that was the worst thing
最恶劣的一幕 I've ever seen happen to anybody.
你要来一杯 You need a shot.
为绝地翻身而碰杯 To hitting bottom.
无处可逃，唯有顶上 Nowhere to go but up.
无处可逃 Nowhere.
太难受了 Oh, oh that's awful.
谁在里面 Who's in there?
想必是飞机男 I think it's that masturbating guy.
老兄，你在里面打飞机吗 Hey man, you jerking off in there?
需要伴奏吗，老兄 Need some rhythm bro?
一下！两下！三下！ Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!
一下！两下！三下！ Stroke, stroke, stroke!
你以为自己做什么 What the fuck do you think you're doing?
哇 Whoa!!!
肃静 Behold!
飞机大师 The Great Master Bater.
我史无前例露一下我的阴茎术 And I give to you my fabulous phallus of fun.
噢 Oooh!
谢谢，谢谢 Thank you, thank you.
现在我要一位志愿者做下一个魔术 Now, I need a volunteer for this next trick.
你如何 How about um you.
草你 Fuck that.
没胆鬼一个呢，童鞋们 We've got a bashful one,folks.
给他打一下气 Lets give him some encouragement.
Kent!
Kent! Kent!
Kent! Kent.
现在，我要全场安静 Now, I need complete silence for this next trick.
敢碰我，你死无全尸 Touch me and you're a dead man.
噢！！！ Oooh!!!!!
好的 Alright.
挑一张，任何一张 Pick a card, any card.
什么？白痴牌技？ What? A stupid card trick?
任何牌 Any card at all.
现在让全场看看 Now show it to the room.
都看清楚了吗 Did you guys get a good look?
现在放回去 Now put it back.
好的 Alright.
Kent，是你那张吗 Kent, is this your card?
草，不是 Fuck no.
这是他的牌吗 Is this his card?
不是 No.
看一下你的裤子 Oh. Check your pants.
看什么？ Check my what?
你裤子 Your pants.
草 Fuck!
搞什么飞机 What the fuck!
谢谢 Thank you.
太牛逼了 That was, that was pretty awesome.
要看加场版吗 Yeah, you want to see another one?
或许 Maybe.
草 Oh fuck.
就 Just!
喜欢我内内吗 Like my outfit?
真精致 It's really pretty.
承蒙 Thanks.
摸一下我膝盖底 Take the back of the knee,right,
出奇的敏感 it's surprisingly sensitive.
不总是只有阴蒂才 It can't always be about the clitoris.
嗨，你来我教会呢 Oh hey, you go to my church.
没错 Oh, that's right.
见到你太开心了 It is so good to see you.
同乐同乐 It's good to see you.
Neal去哪啦 So, where's Neal?
Neal太棒棒了 Neal, Neal's amazing.
我懂的 I know, right?
他在哪 Where is he?
不，我不会告诉你 No, no, no, no, I'm not telling you.
对你而言，我不会说 You I'm not going to tell.
求你啦 Please tell me?
求求求你 Please? Please?
告诉我 Tell me?
你闻起来像肉桂 You smell like cinnamon.
好，我告诉你 Okay, okay, okay I'll tell you okay
但你来迟了，他已经在做爱了 but you're a little late because he's already having sex.
你喜欢什么花式 So, what are you into?
除了魔术，还有电视游戏 Besides magic I like video games,
还有火箭之类 I kind of like the retro stuff
因为很像玩游戏 because it's more about the game play.
我是说床上 I meant like in bed.
呃 Uh.
你要干我，要吗 You want to fuck me, don't you?
这就帮大忙了 That would be super helpful.
是 Yeah.
我是说是的 I mean yes.
好的 Ok.
Neal?
Neal，你在上面吗 Neal, are you up here?
你准备好吗 Are you ready?
七七八八了 I think so.
你感觉准备好 You feel ready.
准备好 I feel ready.
不是那情况的 This is not what it looks like!
Cheryl？真的？ Cheryl? Really?
我问你先的 I asked you first.
我来只是提醒你 You know I just came to warn you that these people
你教友正赶来 from your church are coming.
我们可以继续吗 Oh. Can we still do this?
你开啥玩笑 You're kidding, right?
死了 Oh shit, fuck.
做点事 Do something.
太惊险了 That was close.
快跑 Lets go.
不，我在这，帮你拖延点时间 No, I'll stay here and buy you some time.
Denise，这不安全 Denise, it's not safe.
他们不抓我 They're not after me okay,
待会见，看咋样 we'll catch up later and see what happens.
现在你信了吧 So, you believe me now?
是，我信你被撒旦邪教追捕 Yes, I believe you're being hunted by a Satanic cult.
走 Go.
见过Neal吗 Did you see Neal?
上了个帝，派对女孩都想跟他上吗 Jesus, is every girl at this party trying to get with him?
他在哪 Where is he?
嘿 Hi.
嗨 Hey.
Matt?
天啊，嗨 Oh my god, hey!
我想知道帅哥都跑哪了 You know, I was wondering where all the hot guys were.
你在这干嘛 What are you doing here?
Matt，我们得跑 Matt, come on we have to go.
什么 What?
我们得走，起来 We have to go, get up.
等一下，我牙齿贴满呕吐物 Wait, wait, wait, do I have puke in my teeth?
你朋友呢 Where's your friend?
谁 Who?
Neal?
你们楼上看过了吗 Uh, did you try upstairs?
嗯 Yeah.
我要坐一下 Oh, I've just got to sit for a sec.
噢！ Oooh!!!
欧 Ow.
老兄 Dude!
钥匙 Oh, the keys.
我们得走了 We've got to go man!
好的 Alright.
我有钥匙 I've got the key.
你老笑容满面 You're all smiling.
等一下，你们去哪 Hey guys, wait, where are you going?
我们不是偷车 We're not stealing a car.
是借 No, we're borrowing it.
你够了 That's it, that's it for you.
这教会是普通型的还是? Oh hey, so this church is it like any regular church or?
正好相反 No, it's the exact opposite.
那个祭坛处男惹毛了你们神父？ Oh okay, so your altar boys molest your priests then?
我不太清楚 I don't really know.
草，不好意思 Oh shit, sorry.
那边 There.
最好你来，你的屎你负责 You'd better drive, you've got to be responsible here.
啊 Ahhhh!!!!!!!
不会伤害你们的 We're not going to hurt you!
跑啊 Go! Go!
出来 Get out of the goddamn car!
跑起 Go, go, go, go, go!
给力点 Come on!
你开车 Get the truck.
把她弄上车 Put her in the car!
他们怎么找上了 How the fuck did they find us?
你那见利忘友的朋友出卖你了 I'll tell you how, your friend without benefits sold us out.
Denise?
没门，她还帮我逃呢 No fucking way man, she helped us escape dude.
差点逃不了 Aw, barely.
你知道你说什么吗 You don't know what you're talking about,
你爸如何 how about your dad?
警察？ The cop?
给你五十块，打赌他一定在你阴囊 I bet you 50 bucks he's got some kind of tracking chip implanted
装了跟踪器 into your nut sack.
这镇上到处是撒旦教信徒 Listen, there are Satanists all over this town.
可以是任何人 It could be anyone, okay?
他妈的的士司机可能是 It could be you know the fucking taxi drivers,
服务员，警察，无业流氓，他妈咖啡师 waitresses, cops, hobos,fucking baristas,
狗狗装扮师，他妈的素食者，他妈的嬉皮士 dog groomers, fucking vegans,fucking hipsters man.
你说得对 You're right, you're right,
要多加防范 we've got to keep our eyes peeled.
底线，我们可以信的只有双方 Bottom line, the only people we can trust are each other, okay?
等一下，要是你撒谎呢 Wait, what if you just lied.
他们怎么知道这些 How would they know?
他们会知道，我妈的线眼满布 They will know, my mom is a bloodhound for bullshit.
这么自尊心重的少年怎么不会 What self respecting teenager doesn't know how to lie
跟他妈撒谎 to his own mother?
我一举一动，她了如指掌 She can smell it on my breath.
草 Oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck.
什么？ What?
草 Fuck!
什么 What?
什么事 What's wrong?
没油 We're out of gas.
或许撒旦信徒不会这么大胆跟到这 Maybe the Satanists will be too scared to follow us here.
先付款再加油呢 It's one of those pre-paid deals.
我来 I got it.
2号泵加50块 Hi, fifty bucks on pump two.
为了上帝，让不洁流出你的双眼 Let the scales fall from your eyes
是欺世盗名，撒旦才是救世主 for God is the deceiver and Satan is the salvation.
Sheldon跟我们说你的降生有特殊目的 Sheldon told us you had a special purpose.
什么 What?
我会给钱的 I'm going to pay for it.
老兄，这些什么来的 Yo dude, what the fuck is all that?
储粮，以便我们躲起来 Provisions, in case we have to go into hiding.
躲起来，这个 Yeah, hiding, about that.
我在想躲起来不是最好方法 I've been thinking hiding might not be the best idea,
我是说 I mean.
过来，上车 Okay, come on, get in the car.
不，这可能听起来很荒谬 No, no, no this might sound a little fucked up
但要是这一切为真 but if any of this shit is real
让我去死正好能拯救世界 then getting me laid might actually save the world.
上车，赶脚 Get in the car,come on.
什么？我认真的 What? I'm kind of serious.
我知道你认真，这就是 I know you're serious,that's why this is
你太他妈疯了 so fucking insane man.
就如“夸大妄想症”一样 That's like delusions of grandeur much?
他们要我死 They tried to kill me.
要是这真的，没人安全，你懂吧 If this shit is real nobody is safe, you get that right?
老兄，世界没地狱 Dude, there is no Hell.
没撒旦这些屎 There's no Satan or any of that shit.
你父母，我父母，Sheldon，Mary， I mean, your parents, my parents, Sheldon, Mary,
都被洗脑成疯疯癫癫非正常人 they're all just brainwashed lunatics dude.
越早意识过来，你就越自由 The sooner you realize that the freer you'll be,
看我，老兄 come on dude look at me.
我活在当下，痛快自在 I'm just living in the moment having a fucking blast
不只享受一种口味牛肉干，是两种 enjoying not one but two flavours of beef jerky.
没大不了，因为到我死那天 It's no big deal because I know at the end of the day
只有我自己来评断一生 the only asshole who is judging me is me.
你知道我为何在这 You know why I'm here,right?
因为我是你唯一朋友 Because I'm your only friend.
对，因为我想分享你在第一时间 Yes, that and because I want to be there
尝到阴道滋味后的喜悦 for the first moment that your dick tastes vaginal glory.
你想看我爱爱 You want to watch me have sex?
不是，老兄 No, no dude.
我只是想见到你开心 I just want to see you be happy.
少来 Come on, man.
开心 Be happy?
你只想间接体验我的生活，因为你没有 You just want to live vicariously through me because you're not.
没有什么 Not what?
没事了 Nothing.
没关系，当我没说过 Never mind, I didn't say that.
噢 Oh.
因为我配不上你吗 Because I'm not cool enough for you?
因为我只是有样学样的朋友 Because I'm just your tag-a-long friend, right?
现在你一朝成名 And now all of a sudden that you're Mr. Popular
不能忍受跟我这样的失败者做朋友 you can't hang out with a loser like me?
我这样说过吗 Did I say that?
拜托，Neal Oh please, Neal.
跟我做朋友 Be my friend.
这里，给你牛肉干 Here, take my jerky.
多少钱一晚 How much for a sleepover.
你现在要混一下吗 You want to hang out now?
哈 Huh?
给你所有东西 Take everything.
住手 Stop.
我拥有的一切 Everything I have.
住手 Stop. Stop.
哇 Whoa.
什么？ What?
不能想象，我会提议这个 I can't believe I'm even suggesting this.
什么 What?
叫鸡 Prostitutes.
叫鸡 Prostitutes!
对啦 Fuck yeah.
对啦 Fuck yeah man.
好的 Alright.
继续找 Keep looking.
看来情况不太妙 It does not look good I'm afraid.
他会现身的，Sheldon，信我 He'll show up Sheldon, trust me.
不必畏惧我，Gary You don't have to fear me, Gary.
我站你那边 I'm on your side.
但你要恐惧的，我们所有人恐惧的 But you need to fear,what we all need to fear,
是我脚下的大王 is our Lord below.
我仅仅是他狂怒的执行者 I'm merely an instrument of his wrath.
Sheldon要说的是 What Sheldon is trying to say is that -
好了,Mary Yes, Mary.
跟他们解释一下我的话 Explain to them what I'm trying to say.
Sheldon是说要是Neal不出现 What Sheldon is trying to say is that if Neal doesn't show up
我们要找替代祭品 we're going to need to find some kind of replacement offering.
多谢澄清 Thank you for clarifying my dear.
噢 Oh.
太伤感了 Oh, this is sad.
我们该拯救而不是剥削她们 We should be helping these women not exploiting them.
这是你的主意 Hey, hey, hey, this was this was your idea.
我只想不要像之前悲剧就好 I know I just thought it would be less tragic somehow.
停一下 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
要赚点真金白银 Hey, you looking to make some real cash money
帮帮一对合法性欲旺盛男吗 and get serviced by a couple of barely legal studs?
两个都要 Both of you looking?
不是 No.
是的 Yes, yes.
多少钱 How much?
看你要什么服务 That depends on what you want.
我只想今晚破处就够 Uh, I just really need to lose my virginity tonight so.
嗯，我能帮你 Yeah, I can help you out.
但不是这里 But not here.
那边找我，叫Ashley Meet me there and ask for Ashley.
噢 Oh.
就这里？ Is this it?
嗯 Yeah, yeah.
有何能帮忙 Can I help you?
这是妓院吗 Is this the house of ill repute?
不必低声细语 You don't have to whisper.
好的 Oh, oh okay.
请上一个妓女 I'd like one prostitute please.
好的 Alright.
你们要找什么类型呢 What were you looking for exactly?
我要好性格的 I'd like a good personality,
我要笑得甜，有胸 I'd like a cute laugh,and boobs.
他们都有胸 They all have boobs.
我们要Ashley We'll take Ashley.
好的 Great.
嗯 Yeah.
搞定 Go with that.
好的 Great.
请坐 Have a seat.
这玩意红眼睛的 The things have got red eyes.
你跟我来 You come with me.
你先坐着 You sit tight.
噢 Oh.
不不不 No, no, no, no.
是这样的 See, the thing like.
你想做吗 Do you want to do this?
想 Yes.
拜托 Please.
是的，拜托 Yes, please.
那么他先 Then he goes first.
Well.
哇，啊 Whoa, ah.
等一下，Ashley Wait, Ashley.
呃，宝贝 Uh, baby.
我等不及跟你翻云覆雨 Look, I cannot wait to get with you
很荣幸你也如此 and I'm so flattered that you feel the same way
但他真该先做的 but he really should go first.
没错 Yeah.
我真需先做 I really need to go first.
Matt?
过来 Come on.
Matt? Matt? Matt?
搞不懂 I don't know, man.
你想玩什么 So, what's your deal?
我想先来个手交 Well, I'm thinking I'd like to start off with a hand job
然后过渡到口交 and then you know work my way up to a blow job
再然后阴道交收尾 and then finish off with a vagina job?
行 Okay.
真的？ Yeah?
很酷呢 Uh, cool.
给我外面朋友同样套餐吧 And the same exact same goes for my friend out there.
我要再三强调他的阴道交 I really can't stress enough how important it is
要做得到位点 that he gets a proper vagina job.
你身上有多少钱 Well, how much money do you got?
对，现金 Yes, currency.
你怎么入行从妓的？ So, how did you get into prostituting?
我是说，你一定有些可歌可泣的故事 So, I mean you must have some wild stories.
没什么 Not really.
没有？ No?
我是说至少遇到疯狂角色 You, I mean meet any crazy characters at least or?
我想有点 I guess.
有什么古怪花式 What's the weirdest thing
嫖妓的叫你做呢 that anyone's ever asked you to do?
有个给钱我在他狗身上拉屎 This one guy pays me to poop on his dog.
噢 Oh.
什么狗 What kind of dog?
不太清楚，棕色毛的吧 I don't know, a brown one.
至少让我看看你咪咪 Can I see your boobs at least?
嘘 Shhhh!!!!!!!
坦白说，这是我第一次 What if I told you this is my first time?
那就拜托别哭 Please don't cry.
射了，射了，射了 I'm done, I'm done, I'm done.
很好 Good.
呜呼 Wooo-hooooo!!!!!!!!!
汇报 And?
怎么啦 So, what happened?
跟我分享一下 Talk to me buddy.
不能再快活 Oh man, was it awesome.
不只是爱爱棒棒的 Uh, I just, I mean not only was the sex amazing
我想最美好部分是 but...but you know I think that the best part was
Ashley跟我很投缘 that Ashley and I really connected you know.
真的？ Really?
嗯 Yeah.
哇 Wow.
好的 Okay.
那么她在哪 So, where is she?
Ashley?
可怜她，有气没力了 Oh, uh, poor thing is exhausted.
我真的给了她，但别担心 You know I really gave it to her in there but don't worry
我肯定她会撑得住下一个 you know I'm sure she's got another one in her
但别愤怒要是她心里只有我 just don't be mad at me if she still has Matt on the mind.
我要做爱了 I'm going to have sex.
你要做爱了 You're going to have sex.
我不用死了 And I'm not going to die.
你不用死了，进去做吧 You're not going to die, go in there do it.
准备好了吗 You're ready.
准备好了 I'm ready, man.
好好享受 Have a great time.
我就是个娘娘腔 I am a fucking pussy.
Ashley...
嗨，轮到我了 Hey, it's my turn.
你先坐着 You just sit there, okay.
你去哪 Hey, where are you going?
很快回来 I'll be right back.
Matt!
Neal，我们谈几句 Hey Neal, we just need to talk to you for a minute.
没事的 Everything is okay, everything is okay
我们谈几句 we just need to talk to you for just a second.
突击查房 This is a raid!
所有人出来 Everybody out!
Neal, Neal, Neal.
开门，警察 Open up, it's the police!
Colette，你见到他吗 Colette, you seen him?
跑 Go, go, go!
回来 Hey, get back here!
Rod，不是Neal Rod, it's not Neal!
Greg!
Neal!
滚回来 Get the fuck back here!
Greg!
Greg，回来这 Greg get back here!
他妈的回来 Get the fuck back here!
你个蠢货 Oh, you goddamn idiot.
Rod，他偷了我车 Rod, he stole the car!
什么 What?
Greg，赶上 Greg, come on!
草 Shit!
我得为你拖着他们 Well, I have to hand it to you.
你真勇回来找我 It's pretty brave of you to come back for me.
你发什么事啦 What happened to you?
让他们无法抽身 Just tried to keep them busy.
为你腾出时间 Tried to buy you some time,
Brad对我很和善 I did get pretty friendly with Brad.
Denise，他是敌人呢 Denise, he's the enemy.
拜托，Neal For fucks sake, Neal.
我开玩笑 I'm joking.
你永远无法懂，是吗 You're never going to get it，are you?
懂什么？ Get what?
我喜欢你，你个蠢货 That I like you, you moron.
我也喜欢你，但你不必这玩我 I like you too but you don't have to be a bitch about it.
不是，Neal No, Neal.
草，我爱爱你 Fuck, I like like you.
爱爱 Like like.
什么？为何 What? Why?
我不知道，因为你像是我认识的最酷的人 I don't know, because you're like the coolest person I've ever met?
我不酷，Denise，我都不知道酷为何物 I'm not cool Denise, I don't even know how to be cool.
真的，Neal Exactly, Neal.
哦哇 Oh wow.
太好了，这是说现在我们可以做爱了吗 Awesome, does that mean we get to have sex now?
不可以 No.
做爱 Make love.
你表现真的需要再好点 Okay, you really have to do better than that.
你闻起来很好 You smell nice.
不是这样 No, Neal.
天啊，你要我说什么 Jesus, what do you want me to say?
我一向都喜欢你，但只停留在想 That I like you but I've always liked you but I thought.
就知道你就是他妈的个胆小鬼 I knew it, you're a fucking chicken.
草 Fuck.
好的 Okay.
让时光倒流 Lets just go back in time,
假设我有勇气叫你出来约会 pretend I had the guts to ask you out on a real date.
约会 A date.
好的，我们去哪 Okay, where are we going?
是个惊喜，而你又同意了 It's a surprise but you say yes,
我送你回家，加送一支红玫瑰 I pick you up at your house with one perfect red rose
我相当紧张，因为这晚 and I'm really nervous because this is the night
我要跟你诉尽一切 I'm going to tell you everything
你也紧张，因为你知道接下来是什么 and you're really nervous too because you know what's coming.
好的，说多点 Alright, tell me more.
先一起开卡丁车 We start with something fun like go-carting
然后去那间高级素食餐馆用餐 and after we walk down to that fancy vegan restaurant.
有品味 Nice touch.
餐后到海边漫步 After dinner we walk by the beach
然后我有了以前就该有的 and I gather every bit of courage I have
那些跟你说的勇气 and tell you what I've always needed to.
你要说什么 What do you say?
打从我情窦初开我就喜欢你 That I've liked you since I was old enough to like girls
但我又害怕我对你表白了 but I was terrified that if I made a move on you
我怕会破坏了友情和搞砸了 I would ruin it and screw it up
然后你不再跟我说话 and you would never talk to me again.
我的天 Oh boy.
坐稳 Hold on.
噢 Oh.
你他妈逗我，Neal？ Are you fucking kidding me, Neal?
噢 Ohhhh!!!!!!
Neal，你真他妈逗我了 Neal, are you fucking kidding me?
干我 Oh, fuck me.
抱歉 Sorry.
天啊 Oh my god.
Neal.
给力点 Come on.
抱歉，真的抱歉 I'm sorry, I'm just really sorry.
搞砸了 It's a mess.
Denise，我真的... Denise, I really...
搞什么 What the?
老兄 Dude.
渗透了没 Was there penetration?
多得不得了 A bunch.
真的？跟我说说感觉 Really, so tell me what it felt like.
就是干的感觉 Like a fucking.
袜子套脚，正合脚的感觉 Put a sock on a foot man and it fits just right.
他还没破处 He's still a virgin.
走 Lets go, lets go.
走 Lets go.
太抱歉了 I'm so sorry.
没事的 It's okay.
明天打给我 Call me tomorrow.
我会的 I will.
你成功达阵了吗 Did you, did you get it in?
你搞上她了吗 Did you get it in her?
发生什么事 So? What happened?
要说些话吗 Are you going to say anything?
要跟我说说发生什么了吗 Are you going to tell me what happened?
好的，发生什么事 Alright, what happened.
好的 Okay.
我跟Denise说我喜欢她 I told Denise I liked her,
她说也爱我 she said she liked me back which was great
这很好嘛，我搞到她腿上 and then I came all over her fucking leg.
开心吧 Happy?
太棒了，你本可以早几年跟她说 That's awesome dude, shit if you would have told her sooner
你就不必如守身如玉这么辛苦 you could have been breaking your oath all over the place.
我们就不会沦落如此田地 We wouldn't even be here.
这样说是我错，Matt？ Oh, so this is my fault now Matt?
什么 What?
不是 No.
不不不 No, no, no, no.
我只是说说 I'm just saying.
你只是说说 Oh, you're just saying.
很好，你只是说说 Good, okay good you're just saying.
我要说说的是 Ah, okay well what I'm saying
你今晚反客为主成主角了 is that you've made this whole night about you.
今晚本该是我上床的 I was the one who was supposed to get laid tonight,
你插脚进来，成全了你的破处之旅 you got in line and you were the one who had sex.
对，我跟坏妓女搞上了，行了吧 Yeah, I had sex with a dirty hoe okay,
你跟Denise那个才特别 what you have with Denise that's special,
那个才棒 that's that's nice.
草你 Fuck you, man.
草我 Fuck me?
太迟了，不再有我跟Denise故事了 It's too late, there's no more me and Denise, dude.
我回不了学校 I'm not going to school again,dude,
我死翘翘了 I'm dead like fucking dead.
死翘翘 Dead, dead, dead.
你还没死，好不 You're not dead yet okay,
你还，我们还能逃出生天 you still，we can still get out of here
别为此怪责我 and don't blame me for this.
我怎跑，手都绑死了 How am I going to get out, my hands are fucking tied.
我手绑上了 My hands are tied!
我手也绑紧了 My hands are tied too.
你踢我？ Did you just kick me?
你他妈的踢我？ Did you just fucking kick me?
对，我他妈的踢你 Yeah I fucking kicked you.
你做什么 What are you doing, man?
你他妈先踢我的 You fucking kicked me first.
知道你踢我很痛啊 When you kicked me it fucking hurt.
后面他妈的安静点 Hey, shut the fuck up back there.
你给我闭嘴 No, you shut the fuck up man.
草你 Fuck you, man.
草 Fuck.
他妈想走吗 Want to fucking go?
别 Don't even.
回来啦 Ah, there you are.
你本不该这么多麻烦的 You are more trouble than you're worth.
而你老让我们等 And you have kept us waiting.
我已对你再三宽容了，Neal Well, I've got to hand it to you Neal,
而你一而再让家族蒙羞 you continually find new ways to humiliate your family.
我蒙羞，真的，父亲？ I'm the embarrassment,really Dad, me?
我蒙羞？ I'm the embarrassment?
没错，小鬼 Yeah, that's right buster.
这个死蠢宗教快把你脑洗没了 This stupid religion has fucked with your heads so bad
你真的愿意牺牲 you're actually willing to sacrifice
把你的亲生骨肉 your own flesh and blood
给有尾巴的红魔鬼呢 for some red guy with a tail.
哇哇哇，你头脑不清醒 Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's where you go easy.
你崇拜一具他妈的哈佬喂服装邪人 You worship a fucking Halloween costume.
对 Yeah.
闭嘴 Shut up.
你把妈也拖进去，看看她 You dragged Mom down with you, look at her,
她觉得你对吗 does she look okay to you?
我不是蒙羞的人 I'm not the embarrassment.
多么的甜言能辨 How very sweet.
是希望有更多时间做感人家庭团聚，但我们没有 I wish we had more time for such touching family reunions but alas we do not.
让他们准备一下 Get them ready.
一切会好的,Neal Everything is going to be okay,Neal.
太好了，太他妈的妙 Real nice, real fucking nice.
你亲儿子？ Your own son?
你这没胆的 You're gutless.
Neal.
振作，Neal Come on, Neal.
别跟我说话 Don't talk to me.
我哭 I cried.
什么 What?
我哭了 I cried.
你要说什么 What are you saying?
你哭个屁啊 What do you mean you cried?
你想说什么 What are you talking about?
今晚我被妓女破处失身，伤感的泪 I lost my virginity to a prostitute tonight and I cried.
对，没错 Yeah, alright.
都不知道怎发生的，就这样失身了 I don't know what happened man, I just lost it.
我搞上了，但我不清楚 I mean, I had it but then I don't know
有东西夹住，然后就失了 something just snapped and I just.
至少你不会到了她腿 Well, at least you didn't come on her leg.
在右腿上？ Right on the leg?
腿上，座椅上 The leg, the seat.
太他妈难看 It's fucking embarrassing.
过来，过来 Come here man, come here.
对不起，老兄 I'm sorry dude,I'm sorry man.
过来，过来 Come here, come here man.
抱歉，这晚真的太糟糕了 I'm sorry man, this whole night has been so fucked up dude.
不 No, no, no.
是美好的 This is nice.
我要这个 I needed this.
就这样 Well, this is it buddy.
等一下，还有另外的方法逃脱 Wait, there still might be a way out of this.
没了 No, there isn't.
不，停 No, no, no, stop.
别平静接受这一切 Just stop being so at peace with everything okay
听我说，听我说 just listen to me here, hear me out okay
我不会放弃你的 I'm not going to give up on you.
男人怎样算是破处？ When does a guys virginity really end, right?
当他勃起的阴茎穿透物体 It's when he penetrates something with his erect penis.
对 Right.
谁说一定要阴道 Who says it has to be a vagina.
天啊，不 Oh god no.
别，跟你说这会帮你逃命 No, no, no, I'm telling you dude if it's going to save your life
你得干我 you've got to do me.
我不能 I can't, I can't.
你得 You have to.
你是说你不能干你好友 Are you saying that you couldn't fuck your best friend
救自己一命吗 to save your own life?
你要这样说嘛 Is that what you're saying?
我不肯定“装备”匹配 I'm just not sure the equipment would work.
太伤人的话了，我至少是8尺寸的 Be totally mean right now okay, just, I'm at least an 8.
即使你的是10 Even if you were a 10.
我只是说有多难呢 I'm just saying how hard could it be?
给我喘口气 Give me a sec.
好的，集中 Okay, yeah, just think.
好的，我试一下 Okay, I'll try.
什么？ What?
真的吗？ I mean, really?
对 Yeah.
好的 Okay, yeah.
我想好好活 I mean, I want to live right.
我要你活呢 Yeah, I want you to live man.
哇哇，你干嘛 Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
那是什么 What was that?
抱歉，我想或许 Sorry, I thought maybe.
没前戏了，没时间了 No extras man, no time.
没时间前戏 No time for extras.
尽管，尽管上就好 Lets just, we've just got to go.
我们怎开始 How do we start?
呃，过来 Uh, uh, come here.
好的，你懂的 Just, just alright, you know.
草，天啊 Oh fuck, oh my god.
你是我好友 You're my best friend, man, you're my best friend.
好友 Best friend.
我们要怎么处置她 So, what are we going to do with her?
你在这，看着她 You stay here and watch her.
不，我要看祭典呢 But no, I want to watch the sacrifice you said that.
够了，Bradley That's enough Bradley.
天啊 Oh my god.
她当你小孩一样说话 She talks to you like you're a child.
我不准给你说话了 I am not allowed to talk to you anymore.
少来，Brad Come on Brad.
你聪明，性感 You're this smart, sexy guy
手臂粗壮，胸肌发达 and with your arms and abs, this chest
是女孩都想跟你搭嘴 I mean girls must be hitting on you all the time.
在这教会还真难找单身女人 It is hard to find single women in this church.
单身女人怎样可以成为 Well, as a single woman how would I go about becoming
教会成员 part of the church?
你得宣誓放弃上帝，搞个纹身 You've got to renounce God,get a tattoo,
对着圣经唾骂 take a whiz on a bible.
就这一切 It's a whole thing.
要是你想去看 You know, if you really want to go out there
你去就好了 you should just go.
我想，但我得在这 Yeah, I know I just can't because I have to stay here
看着你 and babysit you.
我想我没事 I think I'll be fine.
你后面搞什么飞机 What's going on back there?
硬不起来 I'm not hard.
恕我无能，我不会帮你吹的 Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to blow you dude.
我没叫你吹，Matt I didn't ask you to blow me,Matt.
我懂的，只管放进去就好 I know, it's just just get it in you know.
天啊 Oh god.
我们只是，Hi，父亲 Oh shit, we were just, hi, hi Dad.
好了，分开 Alright, break it up.
时间到 It's time.
嗨，不会有评断的 Hey, there's no judgement.
我干了一个妓女 I fucked a lady prostitute.
一个很火辣的妓女 A lady prostitute and she was hot.
就几小时前，很辣那种 Few hours ago, real hot.
你要抓他，得过我这关 Like, you want to get to him you got to go through me.
好的 Oh, alright.
哇，Neal Whoa, Neal.
会没事的 It's all good, man.
Neal. Neal.
我在这，在你旁边 I'm right here man, I'm right beside you.
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas,
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas...
撒旦大王 Satanas Rex.
呼召此名号，恳请法力来殿 I invoke his power by these names.
Belial, Baphomet, Beelzebub, Lucifer,
恶怪 Awful Monster.
跳过念名字 Skip the names.
你说什么？ What are you talking about?
我们不能跳过念名 We can't skip the names.
快日出了 It's almost sunrise.
我知道时辰 I know what time it is,
我戴表了 I've got a bloody watch you know.
那么你知道是时候继续下去 Then you know it's time to get on with it.
要是你做得更好，为何不不来搞 If you can do better why don't you do it then,
接下去拿刀 go on take the knife.
不不不 No, no, no.
拿法典，拿衣袍 Take the book, take my robe,
很抱歉中断了 I'm so sorry for this interruption.
拜你妈托，没人关心这些名的 No one cares about the names for fuck sake.
好的，好的 Alright, alright.
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas...
大王，我们呈上这具处男肉身给你 Lord, we offer this virgin flesh unto you
你就可以从无辜的肉身上吸食能量 that you may draw strength from the blood of innocence.
为地狱国带来永光 For the glory of your kingdom.
抱歉，Neal I'm sorry, Neal.
撒旦王之下 In Nomina Sat
炼狱之火已到 Hells own inferno has come!
我看到火焰中他的真像 I see his face in the flames!
撒旦王在下 In Nomina Satanas.
Gary!
呕，撒旦烧我手了 Ow, ow, Satan burned my hand!
不，幕帘起火了 No, the curtains are on fire.
我的手，他妈的烫手 Ow my hand, it's fucking hot!
孩子们 Children!
退后，退后 Back, back!
退后 Back!
不 No!
大功告成！ Yeah!
我爱你 Aw, I love you man!
好，这是你的牌吗 Alright, is this your card?
不是 No.
现在要看我胸罩吗 Do I check my bra now?
我帮你看 Well, I could check for you.
什么 What?
天啊，太棒了 Oh my god, that's amazing.
这会让你成为最强游戏玩家 It will make you an all powerful video game god.
我上网找了几个月了 I've been looking for this online for like months.
你怎么找到的 How did you find it?
生日派对客户搞这个的 One of my birthday party clients hooked it up,
我为她5岁女儿加演一小时 I did an extra hour for his 5 year old.
太棒了 Aw, awesome.
嗯，魔力所在 Yeah, magic.
你错过了最精彩的布道 You missed a wonderful service.
我们很好，妈 We're good, mom.
宝贝，记住耶稣爱你 Honey, just remember Jesus loves you.
他因你的罪而死的 He died for your sins.
给我钥匙 Give me the keys.
我要开车 I'm going to drive.
Matt?
伙伴，Shelly风采如常 Guys, oh Shelly looking beautiful as always.
你真会说话，Matt Oh, you're so sweet Matt.
或许去吃素菜 Maybe going to grab some vegan,
开开卡丁车 hit the go-cart track.
酷，酷 Cool, cool.
我是说你也来 I mean, I'd tell you to come along.
不必了 No, no, no, no.
我很好，我要学习圣经 I'm fine, I've got my Bible study,
回头见 catch you guys later.
好的 Alright.
你吃这全部 Is that all you ate?
你吃了整个薄饼，太疯狂 You had one crepe,you're ridiculous.
疯狂 Ridiculous.
可以调到基督摇滚台吗？ Could you put on that Christian rock station?
当然 Sure.